Surviving Domestic Violence

The origional article posted below is from  Forbes.com By Mary Ellen Egan, from her column What Women want. The article tells the story of Former Wall Street Executive Nancy Salamone. It is a great article that raises awareness to Domestic Violence..

Here’s how Nancy Salamone, a former financial services executive’s marriage began:

“It was the very day that we got home from our honeymoon and there I was lying on the bathroom floor, naked and bleeding. He didn’t like the way I hung the towels in the bathroom. That was the beginning of my marriage. The abuse—physical, sexual, emotional and economic—would continue for 20 years.”
I called Salamone last week to discuss her new book, Victory Over Violence, and her efforts to help other domestic abuse victims.
ME: Looking back, were there signs that would indicate that your ex-husband was abusive?
NS: I married him at 19 and met him when I was 15. I was a very naïve teen. He was moody but I thought that was mysterious. He was very possessive—he didn’t want me to be with my girlfriends. And I was very quiet girl and always did what I was told.
ME: The abuse went on for 20 years yet somehow you were able to become a successful businesswoman.
NS: I found my identity through my work. I was the vice president of marketing for a financial services company and really loved my job. Work was my safe haven. Some people would look forward to going home at the end of the day and I dreaded it.
ME: How did you keep the abuse from being noticed by your coworkers and family members?
NS: I grew up in a Sicilian family in the Bronx and was raised on such idioms as “don’t air your dirty laundry” and “you make your bed, you lie in it.” So I was raised in a code of silence so I never talked about what was happening to me.
ME: In addition to the physical, emotional and psychological abuse you endured, you say you also suffered economic abuse. What does that mean?
NS: I was the breadwinner but I wasn’t allowed to have a checking or savings account or be in charge of my money. I had to turn every paycheck over to him. This is common for a lot of women in violent relationships. They don’t have access to their money or aren’t allowed to work and earn their own money, so it makes it very hard to leave the relationship.
ME: How did you finally muster the courage to leave?
NS: To this day, I still don’t know how I did it. It was like watching a movie. I saw a woman packing her bag and I saw that person close the door behind her, suitcase in hand. I went to my mother’s and I did two things that first week: I found an attorney and I found a therapist.
ME: The time that’s most dangerous for women in abusive relationship is when they leave, correct?
NS: It is. When I left, he began harassing my mother and coworkers. At the time, I was the only female executive officer at the company and he began to call my male counterparts and threaten to kill them—and me. I was so frightened that I hired a bodyguard. Unfortunately, many women in similar situations don’t have the financial means to protect themselves.
ME: How did you begin to heal from the damage?
NS: I knew I needed help so I sought out professional. Thank god for attorney and therapists! It took many years [to heal]. It’s not easy, but the rewards are incredible.
ME: You’ve developed a program called “The Business of Me” to help women who’ve been in abusive relationships. How did that come about?
NS: Once my divorce was over, my new overarching fear was money. So one day when I was in a business meeting, It dawned on me that the decisions I made in business would help further the goals of the company, and I realized I could bring that way of thinking into my personal life. As soon as the meeting was over, I went back to my office and labeled a folder “The Business of Me.” I made a list of the things I wanted in my life. It included what kind of a home I wanted, where I wanted my career to go, how many vacations I would take each year, etc. What I’d done is to create a vision for my life and then I began developing a plan to attain those goals. But my fear didn’t go away overnight. Financial literacy is a skill, so I had to reach out to others to teach me how to manage my money.
ME: Why do you feel it’s so important for women—and not just abused women—to learn how to manage their finances?
NS: When you take on the responsibility for managing your own money, you can make your own choices and create the kind of life you want. For more information about Nancy Salamone and “The Business of Me”, please go to www.nancysstory.com.

Do you have anything planned for DVA month? You can always do something simple and wear purple! In fact the 1st 5 alumnae/collegians who email a photo of themselves wearing purple or doing something to support DVA month to axofloridastate {at} gmail {dot} com will receive a  DVA "surprise" in the mail ...